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The hard part about being a parent of a child with an illness

Being blessed as a mother both by birth and adoption this has been the most rewarding time of my life.
I've experienced infertility, miscarriages, still borns the death of a toddler this has been the hardest part if being a momma.

I knew when I was very young I was going be a momma of many children.  Daily I dreamed of my children and caring for them.  If only it were like my dream of being a mother this easy.  Nothing good goes without struggling and plenty of prayers.

This pass two years our lives were planning to adopt a young boy named Clyde.  I admired his photo daily.  Even dreamed about this child and our family shared his picture.  Behind this photo a child I never met but also grew to love.   Like many other families adopting we think about the children we visioned in our families.
I learned his photo with a tear in his eye open our hearts up.  As time went on into our adoption months turned into over a year.  We waited for this particular child then found out he was unavailable to adopt.  Our hearts were disappointed but this twist in God's plan was not for him but two other children.  Two children who were older and waited much longer.  Both with the lost of both parents and needed a family.  Our Lord placed Clyde to bring us to them.

Both these children with disabilities and one with one kidney a donor one.  If not adopted he will eventually die.  A little preteen girl with major ortho needing to be repaired.  And in her country surgery would be costly and impossible. 

I could write and tell you how noth their smiles have a story to tell.  A pass of paim and heartache.  Growing up without a family.  And their future for both limited and short.  I could share their tears and laughter but it needs to be once home.

No child, a matter of fact no one should be without a family to love them. These two children are only two of thousands.  There is 147 million orphans in this world.  Each time a child is adopted one less orphan.  But daily they are replaced with new arrivals.  New faces, each with a story to tell, a pass history and each with hope.

We are days away from traveling.  It has been difficult. Not an easy process adopting, many delays, many unexpected expenses and many tears.
Not just tears but trials.. Trials in faith and trust.  Daily my heart turned worries to our Lord.  Two women who I met off FB devoted their time to advocate.  Both adopted mothers.  Through their kindness and love they gabe up their time to help.  One night I cried out to our Lord.  I know I'm a good mother, not a fundraiser by all means.  I prayed for funds and some days begged. Funds we saved used to update documents, passports etc. 

One day my prayers were heard and through them.  Many-many hearts open up.  Like an army of from our Lord came to help rescue our children.  So many people, many I never met stepped up and open their hearts.  Through thus journey not just donations given but prayers.  Much needed prayers.  As the devil tried to jump in a wedge in to destroy our adoption our Lord was stronger. 

Finding out about Cancer brought me to my knees.  I know it was not to be a punishment but an eye opener. I've always been the one to help others but now needing help myself.  I felt like I felled as a parent.  I am suppose to be the one to protect and guide others.  Not trying to live in pity but felt fear.  Losing my best friend Sarah to cancer and then my husband Tim.  Not being selfish in worry for myself but I told two more children I was going be there for them.  Mother and love them, cherish them and help them grow.  Hardest part next to losing a child is knowing as a mom there could be the possibly of leaving them orphans again.

I've pack weeks or actually months prior. Folding and refoldimg their clothes. Visioning them in them and watching ad they step out the gates of their orphanage once last time . This will be my last trip traveling, last adoption and our children are all finally home. ❤

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