Father's Day

With everything happening I did not know what day it was. Whether it was Saturday or Sunday.  Sitting calculating funds and mark off the day till Wednesday. The day we find out about our children's passports.

Our Gotcha Day was rushed.  What was suppose to start with paperwork on a Monday went to Wednesday which caused us delays getting home. The system here is totally a mess. They deliver passports only one day a week to Donetsk.  Then they will be forwarded to Kiev.  Even expedited they are delayed.  A country of unexpected issues or problems.  Children lay dying when families are available.  Funds stand in the way even when a family saves for 5 years still they are short.  Without the love and support of others.
Being short of funds not just my biggest worries.  Children at home needing their mom.  A young boy who had been through so much anger and abuse.  Eleven years to work on.  Erasing the nightmares of prior medical procedures which caused major anxiety and out bursts.  These two children were not cute little toddlers dressed up leaving their orphanage.  Two children which when you touched them from behind they jerked and screamed.
During orphanage visits they were full of giggles and being quiet.  As if the lights turned on so did their personalities.  The day arrived about 2 days later fits and demands.  Asking visitors to purchase them large gifts when I tried to explain we need to budget.  Nights they both would wake as we slept and bite off all the food or sneaking food.  Nights lately have been I fo not have to sleep.  Or no to everyone and everything.  Fixing food only to say no. And them throwing it away asking for junk food.  Knowing darn good and well the orphanage did not provide food.

Hearing stories of who abused them. Hiding under beds in closets.  Each day is getting bettet but so much anger inside they both have built up.  The language barrier is hard even knowing some of the language.  The loudest of their voices when you are trying to talk to another adult about important matters.  The phone is the worse.  Makes you wonder why a 11 year old child is supplied a cell phone and is on FB talking to older women.  His phone given as a gift by an couple who cared for him.  Only for him to use to communicate with other children in orphanage.  Not all older are saints or needing rescued.  Many scared, damaged in minds.  Telling other children their organs will now be harvested and sold.  This week I've dealt with broke windows, doors and screaming for things they demand.  Daily it gets some better.  Communication is better.  Assuring them they will be safe and okay.  Still they sneak food till they throw up.  I sleep with one eye open.  I honestly wonder what the flight home will be like.  They both team up now where one child tries to distract me as the other gets in stuff.  Very sneaking.  I've noticed when a man speaks they are quiet but a woman they try and direct their screaming to try and get their way.
It will take patience and time.  Trust a big issue.  As my new son broke a window he hid glass and matches in his pocket when we went to a medical exam.  The Dr found it examining him.  He explained he was told his organs would not be removed.  This I did prepare myself for.  A boy I fell in love with bitter with anger from abuse.  When adopting Katya she was 5 she threw fits of angry, refusing food.  Hitting and kicking others.
Not wanting to be judge but more than I had planned on or expected.  Being the parents assuring them but also correcting them to do what is right.
The other day I had major pain sat in.  Patrick watched them as I showered.  Before I could turn the corner Sophia became violent towards Greyson and him back.  Respect for each other needs to be learned as well as respecting one another's things.
Again I did not know today's day because my day was filled with Chaska.  That evening I called to wish my husband a Happy Day and kept my day to myself.
Sometimes we vision of saving these children. Especially the older ones.  We need to remember they have a pass that a few days will not erase or repair.  Even the strongest of parents get tired and worried.  Nightly I pray things calm down.  Praying to figure out this apartment.  It is full of bugs a dead mouse and beds that had been full of dry urine.  I sleep on the couch and line the bed with clean towels.  Trying find cleaner living conditions for everyone we can afford.  Before accepting an apartment walk inside for a tour.  Conditions here not the same in U.S. but staying in an apartment to share with mice n bugs not healthy...