The last couple of weeks I have not been on due to children's medical here at home and my grandchildren being ill. Today was one of those days with medical and today I just dreaded this one Doctor visit.
Our son Jake has began Remicade Infusions for his Chronn's Disease. Shortly after committing to Clyde we found out Jake's digestive system has gotten worse. If Jake would not have been adopted 5 years ago Jake would not be a live. Our family is thankful to our Lord for guiding us to Jake. Even though Jake's life is filled with Medication, Therapy and mutiple doctor's visit each month God has given us the blessing to be able to parent and love this little man. Please I ask for prayers for our son Jake. Praying this will help Jake gain back his weight and Jake starts feeling better soon. With him fighting to live with his Cystic Fibrosis. Please remember his younger sister Gennie in your prayers and keep her memory in your hearts.
Lately, I have been unable to Blog and Fund Raise as I wished. I know inside God would guide us through our journey to bring Clyde and another little one home. There is another little girl we are praying to add to our adoption but for right now we have to wait before we announce who she is.
Again please remember all the children who wait for homes as they remain in orphanages. Pray for the ones who are aging out, pray for the many ill ones and also pray for each of my friends who are adopting their children. Pray that they each receive the funds they need to complete their adoptions. The cost of an Adoption is costly and many of us work hard to save and raise the necessary funds. Please advocate, pray and if able adopt one of these precious children waiting for a home.
Today I met a young mother and her son today. I only wished I had not been in such a rush and I would have sat and talked to her longer.
I wrote part of this post earlier today while Jake did his therapy and tonight I sat down to finish it. It may be to some words wrote down to others, but inside my heart I have the pain today of watching my child struggle to live. It is difficult as a parent to see their child in pain and know that their illness is a very demanding and evil one. An illness that has robbed my child of being a child. My son is nonverbal is only through facial expression I see his pain. And inside my heart I feel his pain. I am very grateful for my family and also the people in my life who pray for our son and other little ones at home.
As many of you know I met Jake when we were adopting his younger sister Gennie. Our Gennie died of CF complications and heart failure on April 26th 2013.. AS this date soo approaches I ask that you remember our daughter and donate to a family adopting or to an orphanage in her memory. Thank you for viewing my blog and also if you are considering adopting a child please do so..
To the mother that fussed at her child today for asking for a snack from a vending machine at the hospital.
As we waited to get on an elevator a small child kept begging his mother over and over for a snack. Over and over she refused and told him she did not have any change. With the elevator running slow and Jake wearing a face mask to protect him from getting ill. Jake kept peeping over his surgical mask and watched as chips and snacks came out of this machine. People came and went and still the little boy waited patiently. As I watched the little boy stand as people carried off their snacks. And as each of them left Jake clapped as they each walked away with their arms loaded in snacks.
Most all children when seeing a venting machine have a tendency of wanting junk food. And being able to put a coin in and make a choice of what to get is a treat.. Most parents try and offer healthier choices for their children. Many parents try to gear their children away from these machines. And also the check~outs in a supermarket lane. This is where candy bars and chips are in the open eye for kids to grab and parents to buy.
Quickly the little boy came running over to me before we could get on the elevator. He grabbed my hand so tightly and moved me to one of the machines. As he pointed at the many snacks he ask for some money to purchase just one small thing. Being not just a mom but a grand mom it is hard to say no. Maybe since I looked older I would give in and spare some change. But I knew my boundaries and I knew when I could not say yes..Looking down stood a little boy around 5 years with the biggest brown eyes ever, how could a person say no?
I knew this child was at the hospital for some reason and maybe he had waited there for some time. After waiting for this elevator for a good 10 minutes I knew had to move my stroller over to these venting machines. Many of you that know me it is hard for me to say no. Especially to a little child. But when parent says no it is no..
Now looking at this small boy and then back at Jake I could not walk away. And Jake being 10 was so much smaller than him. Finally I had to say ask your mother first. And if she agrees then I would purchase you one snack and only one. But only on one condition that he would promise to listen to his mother and never go up to another stranger again.
He quickly agreed and ran back to his mother. As I watched his mother shake her head yes and smile over to me. He ran back to me and jumped up and down in giggles and smiles. It is the little things that can brighten a child's day.
As we deposited our coins ONE BY ONE he stood there trying to make his choice. First the chips then the snicker bar. I wished then I was 5 and only thing I had to do was make a choice on whether it be a snicker bar or a bag of chips. But here I stood waiting and watching this little boy make up his tiny mind. It is getting later and later for Jake's appointment. Things running through my head of what Jake was about to have done. I only wished Jake was this child begging for some snacks. And not being able to talk Jake just watched. Each day I wonder just what was going on in my son's head. Did he want chips if he could talk? Even if he could not eat them what would he do with them so normally i pass right by these machines without a thought.
Lately there were days Jake was so sick he could barely walk. I thought over and over why my son God? Why couldn't he be born healthy? I hate this CF...
Well a few dollars later his arms were full of snacks and I walked him back to his mom. And he was full of smiles and his mother also. She apologized for her son and explained she had to use her money for parking. Then she broke down and then cried. Between tears she explained her own mother was there sick and being admitted to the hospital and may die today. And then she told me she was so upset she ran out the door to her mothers and he had not eaten breakfast. So this meant that this young mother probably had eaten either.
Sometimes as moms we get in a hurry and do not feed or care for our own selves. I am a big cry baby but I knew this was not the time to cry for myself nor my own child. I had to stop and tell her to pray and remember God is always there. God will guide us through these days of worries and pain. Even through even the roughest days he will carry us. Before I could walk away I watched as this child separated out his snacks. He lined them up one by one and counted them over and over. One for his mother, one for his grandmother, one for him and a few left over. I knew in my heart this little boy had a very kind heart and also his mother. As I said my goodbyes I told him remember our agreement.. Remember no talking to strangers again and I walked away.
Again as the elevator came down he ran back to me. With those big brown eyes he looked up to me and grabbed my hand and pulled me down to him. His arms wrapped around my neck. He whispered, I knew you were not a stranger you are a grand mom like my grand mom. And he began to tell me how much me loved his grandmother and now he loved me.
He said he forgot he had a gift for me also.
Quickly he handed Jake a bag of chips and me a snicker bar.
I had to walk back to his mom and hand over a few extra dollars . She turned and hugged me tightly. I knew it was going be a long day and night for them. And I knew the next day was not going be any easier for her and the next couple of hours for neither Jake and me. The tears for her started to flow again and I told her remember that God was always there especially for us grand mothers and moms.
Yes, I was now officially late for Jake''s appointment.
As the elevator doors started to close he blew us both kisses goodbye and said bye new Grandma.
As I wheeled Jake's stroller on the elevator with chips in hand we went to Jake's appointment. Then the tears began to flow one day also I will lose my son. But today he also will have some chips..
My snicker bar now lays on my dresser next to my bed.
Jake's chips are now next to him sleeping.. I forgot to even ask for this little boy's name or his mothers. Knowing there are many mothers and grand mothers walking in our shoes. One of us losing our mother and the other mother losing her child. How this breaks one's heart apart. Daily I remind myself even the small and tiniest of voices need to be heard. And sometimes we are in such a hurray we tend to forget to listen.
I wanted her to sit with this young mother a little longer and tell her I know just how she feels. But I was already late for this appointment I dreaded. For some mothers we have to run and run during our days. And this running never seems to seize.
*** Tonight I turn my worries to God and I place my sons health in his hands.
As I close my eyes I stare at a snicker bar that I will never eat and think about both our two little boys with big brown eyes...