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No words

There are just some days where there are no words that can  take away from pain and heart ache.
This pass week we were robbed, our precious cat got ill, once again funds lost.  Still we are blessed.  A neighbor is killed by two young man breaking into a neighbors car, a man loses his girlfriend and his unborn son a day before his child is delivered.  My friend's baby girl has open heart surgery and she waits outside the recovery room, a baby boy takes his last breathe and my son struggles to live another day.

Very hard to understand why bad things happen to good people and little children.  A 14 year old girl with a headache dies within three days of being diagnose with a rare form of cancer.  Her mother struggles to understand why her daughter had to be chosen to earn her wings.  So much potential, and such a beautiful young woman with the kindest heart.  Today I watched as my 5 year old daughter looks into a mirror and then ask if her doctor is fixing her back so she can walk.  She combs back her baby fine hair and smiles as I place in hairbows.  Her world is of a child of innocence and no worries.  Sunday I wanted to just stay in bed after I had rushed my cat to the emergency hospital for pets.  To some just a cat but to me part of my future and my pass.  My cat Olaf was there as I cried when my daughter Gennie died.  My three year old baby girl died in my arms.  One of the worse days in my life.  An innocence little girl that was born with Cystic Fibrosis and struggled daily to breathe. No life may not seem fair, even for the very young..

With this current adoption, we committed on July 26th to a little three year old boy.  A few months later we learned he could not be adopted till age 5 years.  Diagnose with HIV and Down Syndrome.  Living in an orphanage in a country where every day rolls into one another.  Birthdays have passed and another one on it's way as he turns five.  He will become available to adopt internationally but in his country he waits.  He one visits, he watches as his friends are adopted.  At age 5 years his birthday will involved being moved into an adult setting where he will remain till he ages out or if lucky a family will decide to adopt him.  Little boys are usually the last to be chosen and still HIV is a disease where people hold hate.  Many people do not understand the many advancements of treatments.  At an early age and being placed on medication he can live a normal life.

Much of our funds have been used on our Dossier preparation.  Having to update document after document and clearance after clearance funds have slowly been used.  Adoption is costly but a child's life there is no fund to great to save a life.  I have just began to fundraise several things but so far no luck.  Not giving up, just budgeting and praying every day to get the funds we need.  We have been blessed our children have a grant each which will help but we will still be short of what we need.  Placing our needs in the hands of our Lord and his guidance we will bring our boys home.

The older young man we are adopting turned 14 years old, he will age out in 2 years.  He has had a rough life as a child.  And he waits for his family and praying we are his family.  This will be our first older child adoption.  I was blessed to have the opportunity to have spoke to his host mother.  She truly loved Nolan and they wanted to adopt him.  Unfortunately they were not able to continue with his adoption.  Once home I want him to be able to call her and her family.  I hope he will love us as much as he loved his host family and host mother.  I am not sure exactly what I will say on our first visit.  For we missed 14 years of his life and in 4 years he will be turning in a young man.  With a family we will be there when he needs additional guidance bur most of all a family.  A family who will love him and we pray we can have him built trust in us and accept us as his parents.

Travel date... WE should hear something in November of a travel date for December.  WE will be spending another Christmas away from our children.  Very hard being away, but there will be future holidays and family time to spend together.  This week even with everything that has went on inside I am thankful for all.  Thankful our family, thankful for our home, thankful for my friends and very thankful we are blessed to get to meet these two precious boys.  I know God has a plan for us, a journey in getting to two boys during the most special time of the year.  On our Lord's birthdate we will be once again blessed with such beautiful children to cherish and love..  No words of how I feel inside tonight but Love...


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