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God's plan

All in God's plan and all in God's timing.
Seldom lately do I sit down just to write how I feel about things.
Lately there has been a lot in my life as a mother I wish I could change.
MY older children each so differently and going through trials in their lives.
As a mother even when our children are grow we have to keep in mind our limits.
Our limits of breaking away and letting them make their own choices.
Even when we know it can hurt them we have to stand back.
This week I watched as one of my children was going through a lot of hurt.
This one child was one of my strong children, level headed and with a very kind heart.
Watching as my child was on their knees in pain, all I could do was think if only you were younger.
When younger I held you as you cried.. I wiped your tears they ran down your face.
Nightly I went into your room to cover you up.
Make sure your favorite PJ's were clean with the snuggle smell.
Yet today I listen to you as you wept.
I thought to myself what could I have done as they grew up to let them know there is going be pain and heart ache.  There will be days where one's heart will break into a million pieces.
And no matter the age your child is always your child.

This pass week I sat back and realized it has been one year and two weeks since we began our adoption for a little boy age 3 turning 4.  I first saw little C photo a few years ago and thought such a beautiful little boy and then last year I saw he was still there waiting.
I thought about my boys as they grew up and I raised them by myself alone until I remarried.
A single mother raising 4 children and after losing my husband and twins.
My life was turned upside down and daily I had worries.
I learned soon to turn everything over to God.
He guided me through some of the hardest days ever.
A few years later I remarried and my life soon changed once again.
We knew we wanted children but in God's plans we had not given birth to any.
God's plan was to raise one another's children and one day we decided to adopt.
Through much prayer we waited 10 years and waited.
Not knowing what would the future had in stored for our family.

AS time passed we adopted our two first Makayla then Patrick..
Another ten years passed we adopted our Chrissie, then Jake, Gennie, Katya and Penelope~ aka "POPPY-SUE"
Thinking our family was now complete we then kept going back to little "C"
AS we started the process we soon learned a few months later we had to wait till his 5th Birthday.
So what a few months now has turned into over a year and will be a year and a half.
Our Dossier is now completed and is going be authenticated this next week.
WE had decide on two other children little Ronald and little Ellie unfortunately  things did not work out at this time to adopt either child.  AS much as we wanted either of them we were at this time not meant to be their parents.  I had been viewing older children through the years and there were several older boys who caught my eye.  Such a tough decision trying to select a new son.  Each child we viewed in my mind over and over my heart melted.  I spoke to a few people who hosted these older boys off of hosting programs.  Then one day I saw his smile and then I went to research who hosted Mr. "N".  A young man who was still pretty much a young boy who waited and waited.  I was able to learn more and more about him.. At this moment I am sharing only the two photos of him till we meet him.  He is in a really bad area of his country, where I can not share openly to everyone.  An area where the war has hit it hard.  In my eyes I see in a photo of a boy who needs to be a child, a child with a family.  He needed a mother and also a father like our children do here at home.  He needs especially a mother to mother him and hold him even as an adult as he cries.  And I feel like I am his mother right now in heart.  This young man had a very hard life and his life needs change.  He needs to get some facial surgery and receive some speech therapy.  Most of all he needs some love.  And our family ahs plenty of this to give.

Two weeks ago I was very angry with someone I helped in their adoption. I became bitter and angry over a few message from them.  I should have let it go but inside I felt something not so right.  I have through the years instilled in my heart in Paying it Forward in kindness.  This was the only thing I ask of this family.  Yet, nothing was done.  I stopped many times to assist in helping them with their paperwork and advice it placed our own delays in our Dossier.  But I knew I was taught to help others when all possible and this way I could keep Paying it Forward.   I have taught also my own children this.  And this week my child learned very quickly you can help others and they may not help you back.  Never expect that anyone owes it to you to be there for you even when you need them.  I learned very quickly in my young years hard work and also helping others when possible.

Okay with Mr. N~Nolan.  Nolan is not his given name, nor is Clyde his given name.  Our hopes are to meet both of these precious boys and get to know the both of them.  Especially Nolan.. Get to understand how he feels about being adopted.  He openly spoke about wanting a family while being hosted.  Hoping to ask him what type of family he is wanting.  Being older I imagine he also has a lot of questions to ask us.  During these visits get to know what he likes to eat, do and how he feels about things.  Thirteen years old is a time in a child's life they start to change and their feelings are fragile.
I know I can not treat him like I would Clyde or my younger children.  He will need space but also guidance.  He may accept our love easily or maybe he might feel we need to earn his trust.  Again he is at a time in his life where his childhood is turning into a young man.

I raised now my four older sons and each of them so different.  Each of them now men and three of them with children of their own.  I want "N" to grow up also with parents who will help guide him a long his path and God's plan.  Please I ask you pray for each of these boys till we meet them and get to know them....


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